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THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 11-17, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

It’s funny how one’s subconscious works. A person can actually forget things that they once knew and, perhaps, used regularly only to have it revived back to the forefront of their mind by something completely random.

As someone who scored a remarkable—nay, breathtaking—720 on the verbal portion of his SAT test (this was back when 800 was perfect), vocabulary words were my forte. Yet I forgot how great, let alone appropriate, the word “vitriol” was until I sat through JBL’s scathingly personal promo cut against Chris Jericho on Monday night. Quite honestly, I still get chills re-reading a recap of the pure evil Layfield that spewed across the airwaves on Monday night.

And, naturally, I loved every second of it.

It’s been said that behind every joke there’s a scintilla of truth. Taking sports entertainment for what it is, I have to imagine that deep down JBL doesn’t truly feel Chris Jericho is a coward, nor does he want the man’s children to see their father as a failure … right … right? See, that’s the beauty of what JBL can bring to WWE as an active competitor: doubt.

Believing myself to be a semi-intelligent human with basic knowledge of how this industry works, even I was convinced that Jericho would get the thrashing of a lifetime were he to show up at the Royal Rumble. Hell, I was so stimulated by JBL’s tirade against Jericho’s cowardice that I was compelled to call my own father a coward, completely disregarding that Dad had done nothing to deserve the insult.

Hate JBL if you must, but finally—finally—Raw has a rulebreaker worthy of such a lofty status as the most hated man on Monday nights.

In a related story: TNA is running a segment on the weekly injuries sustained by Sharkboy that includes his shark family.

That gap just keeps getting wider by the day, doesn’t it?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/11)
It’s somewhat interesting to see the position that Batista is holding on the Smackdown brand. The former World champ of the blue brand has become something of a utility big-name on Friday nights with last week’s victory over MVP being a perfect indicator of the reliance WWE has on “The Animal” right now. The funny thing is that regardless of the manner Batista is used, he seems only a minute or two away from winning the gold again. For fans of his, this should be good news; everyone else should prepare themselves for a steady diet of spinebusters and rope shaking. Still, it’s hard to determine whether Batista is the right man to be the face of Smackdown since the brand’s grace period that came with being the only WWE product to maintain both the sports entertainment and pure wrestling talent simultaneously is quickly coming to an end.

Raw (1/14)
We at “The Turn” don’t take you up the ring ramp and behind the curtain often, but how hilarious was it on Monday night when Ken Kennedy’s promo popped up on the TitanTron with the videotape time code at the bottom? For anyone who missed it, Kennedy appeared on the big screen following Shawn Michaels’ match to talk a little smack and taunt HBK in the process. Throughout the segment—which obviously was not played up as if Kennedy were backstage during it—a time code similar to the one you see at the bottom of every family home video your Aunt Louise has taken in the past 20 years was on screen throughout, essentially confirming that little that appears up there is “live” and certainly none of it is “via satellite.” Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the McMahon family den backstage.

ECW (1/15)
If we were in the business of sending fruit baskets to professional wrestlers—which we’re not, thank you restraining order—then the winner of this week’s offering would be Edge for his interference in the third, and final, match between Chavo Guerrero and C.M. Punk. No, it’s not that we’re big fans of Chavo, who finally got the win, but more so that Edge’s chair shot to Punk essentially draws his attention to the Smackdown World champion and not the ECW brand inching him ever so much closer to not being on Tuesday nights. Here’s to hoping Punk’s in-ring aggression drives him to Friday nights sooner rather than later.

Impact (1/17)
While Impact was relatively solid last night, highlighted by Christian Cage’s ascent to the number-one contender’s spot, TNA truly showcased its talent through the show after the show. Following the regular broadcast of Impact, TNA aired TNA Global Impact, an hour-long special documenting the brand’s January 4 trip to Japan. It was an impressive feat for the brand that has been accused of relying far too much on its status as an alternative to WWE rather than just standing on its own. The special followed some of TNA’s top stars, including The Steiners, Team 3D, A.J. Styles, Christian Cage, and Kurt Angle as they prepared for the trip, all along capturing the thoughts and emotions that came with competing in front of some of the world’s most discerning and enthusiastic fans. For fans of pure wrestling this is a must watch, especially the superb match that saw Kurt Angle defeat Yuji Nagata with the anklelock to concluded the show.

And Finally … With only 10 days to go until the 2008 edition of the Royal Rumble, here is another tidibit from the card’s storied past. The last time the event was held in Madison Square Garden was 2000, with a WWF World title match between Triple-H and Cactus Jack as the main event. However, it was the Rumble match itself that made the card memorable. The Rock was named the winner despite being eliminated almost simultaneously with The Big Show. This odd finish was strikingly similar to the 1994 Rumble match in which Bret Hart and Lex Luger were declared co-winners.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 4-10, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

It may have been the lack of sleep, or it very well could have been our undying love of all things conspiracy theory, but the 30-40 minutes or so I spent the other night reviewing the very widely publicized commercial for the upcoming Royal Rumble still feels like time well spent. For the six or seven of you who may have not seen this commercial as of yet—which seems impossible because it’s running ad nauseum of late—here’s the scenario: Half of the WWE roster gets on a subway car and, naturally, mass chaos breaks out.

The obvious nod to both unprovoked violence and the fact that the Rumble will be taking place in New York City’s famed Madison Square Garden is fine from a pay-per-view advertisement standpoint. Hell, I’ll go as far as saying that the first six-dozen or so times I saw it I thought it was clever. My issue with the commercial came only recently and, oddly enough, it was probably the most glaring misstep in the ad that was the least noticed.

With all the fervor of Kevin Costner’s Jim Garrison reviewing the Zapruder film, I sat up in bed and rewound and replayed in varying speeds the end of the meticulously produced commercial. The end, again for the half-dozen of you, shows Shawn Michaels giving a guilty shrug to the camera after delivering a superkick to Michael Buffer just as he’s launching into the catchphrase that made him a millionaire. Seems rather innocuous, right? Sure it is, but here’s the thing—Michaels’ foot is coming from a different direction.

Yes, this is petty and admittedly sad, but follow: Michaels comes up as if he just delivered the kick with his left leg; however, after careful review, the boot that leveled Buffer was none other than “HBK’s” right foot. So, this leads me to one of three conclusions: 1) This is just a case of sloppy editing by WWE and Michaels—who was not part of the subway car brawl—was added late; 2) There was a second kicker on the grassy knoll; 3) I desperately need to get out of the house.

Enjoy “The Turn”—and, yes, the government is watching you.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (1/4)
Rey Mysterio Jr. won the “Beat The Clock” challenge last Friday night to become the number-one contender to the Smackdown World title by defeating the current champion, Edge, in what promises to be a lopsided battle. That’s right, kids, pull your Rey Mysterio Jr. T-shirts out of the closet and get ready for yet another run at the gold by your favorite underdog wrestler. Everyone else, bang your head on the hardest thing in the room because we are once again going through a run at the gold by everyone’s favorite T-shirt ploy. Listen, for the record, we like Rey Mysterio Jr. Nay, we love Rey Mysterio Jr. But—and this is probably the best way to explain it—to us at “The Turn,” Mysterio’s involvement in the title chase and his prior run as World champ makes us feel the way John Cena’s mere presence angers most. Mysterio Jr. is a great wrestler, but the whole underdog, “David vs. Goliath,” comeback kid angle still hurts our souls.

Raw (1/7)
The steel cage main event match was entertaining, sure, but let’s be honest, the money was made during the “Diva’s Pillow Fight,” right? We at “The Turn” have grown to have a much higher level of appreciation for the cringe factor that comes along with some of the worse segments on Raw. As if the “match” wasn’t bad enough, the impromptu celebration by Mickie James, Ashley, and Maria in the bed following the match seemed so contrived and out of place, yet it was somehow the best possible idea presented to end the segment. In the past, we’d urge you to change the channel, hit the bathroom, or go grab another beverage during segments like the beautifully painful pillow-fight on Monday, but no more. In fact, we’re encouraging you to pay more attention to segments like this in 2008. There is nothing good about it and, quite honestly, it’s uncomfortable to watch, even for guys. It’s like making eye-contact with a stripper—sure it seems like a good idea in theory, but all it’s going to do is make you sad.

ECW (1/8)
It’s funny—the other night during “The Turn” staff meeting/monthly “Scotch And Waffles Spectacular” we were discussing what it was that ECW was missing. Was the roster too small or not filled with higher quality talent? No—impossible. They have Big Daddy V, for goodness sake. Maybe it was the time slot and the fact that it’s still on the Sci Fi Channel? Wrong again—ECW is still the biggest draw on the whole damn Sci Fi lineup each week. After hours of wracking our collective brains, we could not figure out just what ECW was missing and thus what was preventing it from becoming the masterpiece of professional wrestling everyone knows it is. Then, Tuesday night, ECW filled that final gap for us—another Diva. Welcome, Lena. We’re sure you’ll bring tons to the table before you get your pink slip after sleeping your way out of the company like so many of your predecessors. Best of luck!

Impact (1/10)
Initially, it seemed odd that during the episode following a pay-per-view TNA would go with a Knockouts match as the main event on Impact. If WWE ever … ever … tried to do something like that, we may see a full-scale revolution of biblical proportions (see: the civil unrest during Raw’s “Divas Pillow Fight” on Monday—oof). However, it is with no hesitation that we at “The Turn” officially proclaim that the Gail Kim-Awesome Kong title match last night—which was won by Kong—was the match of the week and definitely worthy of main-event status. Maybe it was a slow week or maybe we were just unimpressed with most of what we saw, but it’s very possible that for the first time in a while, TNA got one right. We’ll give credit where it’s due. We’re not completely heartless, right?

And Finally … Time to expand your horizons, kids. Today’s nugget of information takes us across the pond off the left coast of the U.S. to wish a happy 52nd birthday to Japanese wrestling legend, and the original “Tiger Hunter,” Kuniaki Kobayshi. He held titles in both New Japan and All Japan and is widely regarded as one of Japan’s most talented legends.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of December 28, 2007-January 3, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Happy New Year from everyone here at “The Turn.” As we move together into Year Three of providing you with only the finest snarky insight into the world of wrestling—an election year no less—why don’t we throw a few campaign promises your direction. Sure, the odds are that we won’t keep even a quarter of the promises we make, but if we do, that would actually put “The Turn” well ahead of most politicians. Hence, “The Turn” is officially the most honest piece of journaltainment in the history of written word, if not spoken language.*

In 2008, “The Turn” will provide you with only the freshest and not at all redundant coverage of televised wrestling.** There is nothing better than plopping yourself down in a coffee house, laptop in tow, with every intention of writing that novel you’ve been putting off for years and, instead, hopping over to the mighty www.pwi-online (cha-ching) and absorbing our knowledge.

Furthermore, 2008 will be a year of hope for online wrestling reporting and “The Turn” pledges to make nice with every single wrestler it has besmirched over the past two-plus years.*** Without their hard work, dedication, and willingness to participate in any angle regardless of entertainment value or basic good taste, we could not pay our student loans.

And finally, we at “The Turn” promise universal healthcare for all who need it.****

Once again, we wish everyone the happiest and healthiest of new years … well, not too healthy. Seriously, don’t go thinking you should be out exercising when you should be reading. In fact, stay put and have another Pop Tart. We’ll get cracking on a bake sale for that healthcare thing.

* Our fact-checkers will get right on verifying that one.
** Unlikely. C’mon, there are other things going on, especially when the weather gets nicer.
*** And lose all our material? Not happening.
**** More likely than any of the above.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (12/28)
Smackdown rang in the New Year in classic television fashion—a “Best Of” clip show that recapped the preceding year. While we at “The Turn” don’t particularly mind clip shows on the whole, there’s something about a wrestling clip show that just makes it feel less than enticing. So, with that being said, we offer up our most memorable clip from Smackdown in 2007. Sure, there were a handful to choose from, but in our opinion, the top clip of 2007 came only weeks ago and wins due to an abnormally high cringe factor. Our winner of the 2007 Smackdown clip of the year goes to the phenomenally uncomfortable makeout session between Edge and Vickie Guerrero that let the world know they were in cahoots. Relive that in your collective minds for a moment and soak in that truly shudder-inducing feeling.

Raw (12/31)
Every time Ric Flair steps into a ring, fans know they could be witnessing history. On Monday night, the end of Flair’s career seemed no closer than it has at any point in recent memory as the “Nature Boy” stepped into the ring with one of his protégés, Triple-H. In a match evoking memories of Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi—c’mon fellow nerds, you get the reference—“The Game” was unable to end the career of his idol thanks to interference by William Regal, giving Flair the DQ victory. Hence, the Flair farewell tour moves on, and Triple-H appears poised for another odd mini-feud (see Umaga and/or Carlito) with someone other than a world champion. Sure, it’s only a matter of time before Hunter regains some sort of gold, and maybe we shouldn’t encourage it to come any sooner than it does, but something just seems weird. It’s kind of like someone believes that just having Triple-H in the ring with mid-card talent will actually make said talent seem more important to Raw then they are. Odd, isn’t it?

ECW (1/1)
The Chavo Guerrero Jr. experiment in ECW might have ended even before many of us had realized it began. After making his presence sort of known on the hardcore brand by setting his sights on grossly misused champion C.M. Punk, Chavo was given the rare—and strange—opportunity to become number-one contender to the gold on Tuesday night. The man he had to defeat to become number one contender: C.M. Punk. While this may seem odd to the casual fan, in ECW it’s pretty much par for the course. With so few contenders and storylines so murky that they make the waters of the Jersey Shore look clean, ECW has to make the road to the gold go through the guy that holds the gold. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Welcome to ECW in 2008. Hey, it only can get better, right?

Impact (1/3)
Of late—and we apologize to the six of you this offends—we’ve been a bit critical of TNA and the direction of its programming. Primarily, this was due to the fact that the entire wrestling industry—“The Turn” included—really pulled for TNA’s success and viability. Once TNA secured a second hour of original programming each week, things seemed to finally be moving forward. Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case as TNA has taken on, more so than ever, a distinct WCW-like feeling. Case in point: A.J. Styles deciding whether to join the NWO Wolfpac or Hollywood. Wait … sorry, that’s the Angle Alliance or Christian’s Coalition. Unfortunately, that’s not the worst part. In fact, angles like that are very common in wrestling. It’s the ungodly cheesy manner in which Styles’ decision has been delayed and built up as if it’s going to have some sort of monumental impact on the promotion. This has all the makings of a classic letdown.

And finally … This Sunday’s Against All Odds TNA pay-per-view—the fourth in the promotion’s history—will actually replicate a feat only matched by the first year of the card. In 2005, the main event of Against All Odds featured former WWE star Jeff Jarrett—then NWA champion—defeating Monty Brown, a future (and now former) WWE star, to retain the title. This year’s main event pits two men whose careers were made in WWE when TNA World champion Kurt Angle meets up with Christian Cage.

THE TURN: Skewering The Year Of 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

Yet another calendar year has gone by and what are we, as fans, left with? Well, from a wrestling perspective, 2007 wasn’t exactly one of the most memorable years on record. In 2006, we saw the return—for better or worse—of ECW, the continued building of TNA, and both Smackdown and Raw hold steady. We didn't get very much from 2007.

While the past 12 months gave fans a couple of huge happenings that looked great on paper, by and large we’ve just gone through a transition year for the industry. WWE took steps to eliminate (although they’ll tell you it’s to strengthen brand loyalty) the borders between brands by starting a talent-sharing program between Smackdown and ECW. TNA finally, finally, received a second hour of programming, yet has chosen to make up the time with increased backstage segments and promos for upcoming cards.

Raw continued to be the John Cena show despite fan reaction pretty much remaining the same—mixed. After surviving a surprisingly high amount of serious injuries to cash cows such as Triple-H, Shawn Michaels, and Bobby Lashley, Raw lost Cena to a debilitating pectoral injury of his own. Because of the perceived lack of marketable talent from those who make decisions, Raw was left to essentially tread water for 2007 and not lose to

When the pace is set as poorly as it was, it’s only natural that the same feeling would permeate the rest of the company, right? Well, with ECW being awash with virtually no prospect of getting any better in 2008, Smackdown actually stepped up during the 2007 and, at times, showed signs of true viability. Yet, once again, injuries prevented what seemed to be a promising year from fully taking shape. Edge, The Undertaker, Batista, Rey Mysterio Jr., and Matt Hardy all succumbed to major injuries in 2007, which never allowed the blue brand to flourish when it seemed it would.

ECW is still on television. That actually may be the most impressive feat of any televised wrestling program in 2007. C.M. Punk is finally champion of the “hardcore” brand, whose roster is so diluted now that two of the biggest names in the brand are Mark Henry and the giant guy who has so many flesh rolls that he looks like he’s melting, Big Daddy V. If WWE was so hellbent on resurrecting a brand only to completely emasculate it on a weekly basis, then why couldn’t it have been WCW? There has to be some modicum of sick pleasure that still can be derived from that, eh?

In other “hurt your eyes” news, MTV threw its sideways-crooked hat into the ring with the short-lived Wrestling Society X. Although the talent roster was promising, the show amounted to very little more than … well … exactly what you’d expect from an MTV-produced wrestling program. There were tons of high spots, copious amounts of yelling, and explosions as far as the eye could see. Garbage? You betcha. Still, the worst part was that the only thing the participants could have hoped for—specifically, that WSX would showcase their talent to WWE and TNA—never came to fruition. Hey, at least WSX didn’t last long enough for MTV to cross-promote with members of the Real World cast coming on a guest referees, right?

In the mainstream media wrestling was placed under the microscope once again for various reasons, most notably as part of the nationwide focus on steroid use in athletics. Obviously, the attention was no greater than during the Benoit family tragedy this past summer. Speculation and theories still abound as the investigation into Benoit’s personal physician and allegations of steroid disbursement continue.

For the most part, 2007 was not monumental from a televised wrestling standpoint. There were some bright spots and great matches that perhaps didn’t get the type of attention they deserved. Ring of Honor began a pay-per-view schedule and indy promotions such as Pro Wrestling Unplugged here in Philadelphia have now secured timeslots on the regional airwaves.

In short, there’s plenty of wrestling to watch in a given week, but, as fans, we need to be more discerning in 2008 with how we spend our time in front of the tube. While “The Turn” will not endorse or bury a television experience overtly, we will encourage our fellow fans to throw some of your support to those wrestlers out there who still compete more for the love of the sport and not a marketing deal. You won’t see them in their own video game or pimping a Subway sandwich anytime soon, but more often than not they will entertain you.

Become a connoisseur of televised wrestling in 2008. Don’t go back for seconds when a WWE or TNA spoon-feeds you gimmick after re-used gimmick. Go out, take one of the 250 gift cards you received this holiday season, and buy a DVR or TiVo. This way, you can load up on all things wrestling and, even better, roll past the Snitsky promos of the world at your whim. Remember, we’re the consumers, and we’re the folks that drive the industry. Be selective in 2008, support your local promotions, and don’t get any silly ideas to get out of the house and exercise. Your television would never ask so much from you.

And Finally …
The Most Notorious Televised Moments Of 2007 (as voted on by “The Turn” staff)

5. TNA and NWA unceremoniously part ways: There wasn’t ill will. Hell, there wasn’t much of an explanation either.
4. Teddy Long’s wedding day heart attack: Moments like this make the old adage of professional wrestling being a soap opera for men actually insulting to soap operas.
3. Raw’s 15th Anniversary broadcast … a month early: We loved the show, but it felt like pandering. Magically, WWE re-upped its deal with the USA Network during the same weekend. Shocking.
2. TNA outdraws ECW in a head-to-head matchup: TNA optimist sees a head-to-head victory. TNA realist knows it wasn’t by much at all.
1. Mr. McMahon is blown up: Never thought we’d have to write that. Hope we never have to again.

o much ground—or revenue—in the process. Alas, as the top program went so did the rest of the company.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of December 14-20, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

While we hate to admit it, the Y2J experience seems to have lost some steam over the past month. Of course, no one assumed that the not-so-unexpected return of Chris Jericho truly would “save” a fanbase looking for fresh entertainment. Still, it seemed like a safe bet to say that most people—WWE execs included—assumed that the Jericho addition would carry the company at least until WrestleMania 24 in Orlando. Unfortunately, fan reaction and confusing storyline angles have all but killed any momentum the “Ayatolla Of Rock And Rolla” brought with him.

Enter JBL.

Yes, what better way to revive a slumping, overly hyped return than by hitching it to another return; and this time, one that most fans weren’t exactly clamoring for. In most circumstances a move such as pairing up Jericho and the returning John Bradshaw Layfield would be so transparent as to just reek of desperation. While that could be the case, a closer look at the two men involved shows that, as fans, we should expect more from this feud.

Apparently, Jericho returned to “save us” from Randy Orton, but only for one night. The lead-up to their match at Armageddon was rushed and choppy and really seemed to give fans no real sense of an angle to the feud. The basic premise was that Jericho returned, didn’t like Orton, could not capture the title at the pay-per-view, and then went off in another direction. Not exactly something we’ll be writing about for years to come.

Various wrestling insiders have speculated for what seems like years that JBL was looking to make a full-time return to active competition once he fully recovered from a career’s worth of nagging injuries. Hence, his sudden desire to lace up the boots for one more run shouldn’t shock the fanbase at all.

So, WWE is now at a place where it has two names from the past—who weren’t expected to wrestle again anytime soon—squaring off against each other and, while this certainly won’t be a huge selling point for pay-per-views, this may be the smartest move the company has made in a long time.

There is probably no better person in the entire company to draw the smarmy “Man Of 1004 Holds” out of Jericho than JBL. As accomplished a talker as Jericho is and has been throughout his career, JBL is every bit as impressive. A feud between these two men will force each to be as good, if not better, than the other, and the winners in this battle will undoubtedly be the fans. If we had to choose, the early advantage would have to go to JBL, seeing as how he’s been thinking and speaking wrestling consistently during the two years Jericho was away. Unfortunately, though, there are a few liabilities that come with pitting these two against each other that, with proper positioning up front, WWE should be able to counteract. Should.

First, one of these guys is going to come out as the loser—plain and simple. Whether each of their matches ends with a disqualification or countout, someone will still come out as the bum. Jericho needs … needs … to come out on top here. JBL can continue to be a ruthless rulebreaker even if he loses this feud; Jericho, on the other hand, could get pushed to the side quickly if he drops two feuds in the span of a month.

Another potential pitfall here is that neither man is exactly at the top of his game right now. Jericho is still trying to sell the fans on his “Codebreaker” finisher (regardless of how crazy they go when he slaps on the “Walls Of Jericho”), and while JBL appears to have gotten himself into shape, there will no doubt be signs of ring rust every time he steps through the ropes. We’re not getting Bret Hart and The Dynamite Kid here anytime soon … okay, probably never … but, at the very least, it’s going to take more time than the fans will likely want to devote to get both guys back to top form. Hopefully, in the spirit of competition and ego-boosting, both will up their game to match the other.

Finally—and possibly the most disheartening—is that unless there is a major change of heart from either JBL or Jericho, fans will be left with the newly presented fan favorite “Y2J” and not the nasty, sneaky “Lionheart” from years past. If anything, this feud could be the best opportunity for Jericho to teeter back into that gray area between beloved and hated. He cannot possibly come off as more evil than JBL when all is said and done, but he could start to show the inklings of vindictiveness that made him the star he is today. Jericho didn’t win many friends as a villain for most of his career, but he certainly did capture his fair share of gold.

In the end, this should be a rather entertaining feud. Both guys are professionals and will likely keep things going long enough that fans will either be entertained or, at the very least, angry enough to sort of dictate the flow of the angle. Either way, WWE will get the reaction it was hoping for, and fans will have something to enjoy on the mid-card.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (12/14)
Just a friendly word of advice to the good folks at Smackdown: The only way the “David vs. Goliath” angle works is when Goliath actually squashes David at some point. Not that anyone wants to see The Great Khali and Hornswoggle continue their angle, but at some point the littlest McMahon is going to have to take a beatdown for this to at least keep us from going to the bathroom during the segment.

Raw (12/17)
Although Ric Flair’s had nearly as many retirement tours as The Rolling Stones, this latest one actually has the feeling of finality. Maybe it’s because he’s roughly 192 in dog years, or possibly it’s the buildup before each match, but something feels like this could be it. A big win over Umaga on Monday night (how awesome was his crashing through the barricade?) certainly has helped progress this angle along nicely.

ECW (12/18)
Chavo Guerrero appeared at the end of ECW on Tuesday night to attack C.M. Punk following the champ’s match against U.S. titleholder MVP. Guerrero, as accomplished and well trained as they come, is returning from an extended vacation that lasted, oh, roughly 60 days only to return to WWE via ECW. If WWE wants ECW to come off as legit, maybe it shouldn’t make it the conduit for which allegedly suspended wrestlers return to television. If it’s viewed as a punishment to move there, how can anyone take it seriously?

Impact (12/20)
Last night, Impact had a Christmas theme throughout, including a “Santa’s Workshop Knockout” streetfight won by Awesome Kong and a “Reindeer” ladder match that ended up with A.J. Styles dressed as a reindeer. Yep. That’s Thursday nights from 9 to 11 p.m., folks. Or, if you are in possession of a time machine, it used to air Monday nights on TBS.

And Finally … Do yourself a favor and make a point of checking out this year’s “Tribute To The Troops” on Monday night. Sure, it may be tough to sell your family members on skipping some stop-motion animated show from the 1970s to watch wrestling on Christmas Eve, but even the non-wrestling fans will be touched by the reception the troops give to WWE.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of December 7-13, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

Special Raw 15th Anniversary Edition
It’s hard to imagine a world where at least two hours of your week is not devoted to plopping yourself down in front of a television somewhere and watching wrestling. Of course, as with most things in the industry today, this can be directly attributed to WWE.

Fifteen years ago … well, to be accurate, 14 years and 11 months ago … WWF Monday Night Raw made its hour-long debut on the USA Network. The reaction was mixed at first. Characters such as the recently resurrected (for one night only) Goon and Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz were fairly typical of that time period.

Soon thereafter, though, the race to the proverbial bottom began when WWF’s Attitude Era began and shock value became the most effective sales device the company had ever seen. Gimmicky characters were shelved, lady wrestlers became Divas, and people everywhere were greeting each other with crotch chops. Life—for the business—at least, was good.

Throughout it all, Raw remained the industry standard for televised wrestling, even when it was lagging behind the competition. When WCW overtook its competitor to the north, oftentimes exposing the fundamental flaws with Vince McMahon’s product, the business was never hotter. And, like a snake in the grass biding its time, WWE waited for the right moment to make its move.

In the end, it was WWF/E that ended up outlasting the competition and cornering the market, culminating with the company buying up all of the competition and plucking only the most marketable talent to add to its roster. Additionally, fans were given greater access into the world behind the curtain in a move that is still talked about to this day.

This past Monday night, WWE celebrated 15 years of live, televised, weekly wrestling by inviting back names of the past as a treat to the fans. And, while the focus of the night was thriving in the tremendously cut-throat television industry, WWE could have just as easily trumpeted the fact that, without Raw, the industry very well may have fallen back into the dark corners from whence it came.

That’s the beautiful conflict that comes with being a wrestling fan today; without WWE and Raw, we’d likely not have much (if anything) as far as televised wrestling, yet with that greater good inevitably comes the bad—and there’s been plenty of bad over the years. But this all-or-none dichotomy is surprisingly common throughout the world of wrestling. Had the industry goliath not pushed the envelope, tried new things, and continued to move forward, there may have been virtually no medium at all.

It’s that thought that all fans should keep in the back of their minds whenever they’re inclined to call out WWE for a lack of passion. Sure, we’ve all had to deal with Doink the Clown and Skinner, but, without them, could we ever truly appreciate the greatness that was Bret Hart or Shawn Michaels? For every Chyna there has been a Trish Stratus. Sure, that’s like comparing apples to she-males, but you see the point. When WWE fails, or goes in one direction that doesn’t garner the type of fan reaction it had hoped for, it often ends up with a repackaging until it gets at least part of it right. Raw has made as many stars as it has dispatched cheesy characters.

So, it’s with great conflict—and appreciation—that we at “The Turn” thank Raw for 15 interesting years of programming. Without Raw, the people would have no champion, kissing one’s ass would not be an induction, and our electric bills would never get paid. Keep up the morbidly intriguing work, Raw.

The Abbreviated Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (12/7)
In the night’s main event, Edge and Kane went to a no contest after the “Rated R Superstar” introduced a chair into the proceedings, which then, in turn, brought both Batista and The Undertaker into the ring in the hopes of pimping the Smackdown World title match this Sunday at Armageddon.

Raw (12/10)
We’re not sure which was harder to stomach: Hulk Hogan’s rambling “Greatest Company In The World” promo, complete with a plug for his new American Gladiators gig, or the animatronic Mae Young taking on Mr. McMahon’s hip like a dog in heat. Both left us a little queasy and feeling sorry for the elderly. Oh, and for the record, Sunny still gives us that uneasy, weak-in-the knees-feeling she did in high school.

ECW (12/11)
Sometimes we here at “The Turn” tend to be a bit hard on Smackdown World champ Batista. Truth is, there are times even we enjoy his fireworks and limited moveset. But, in giving credit where it’s due, his spear on Elijah Burke who was flying off the top turnbuckle was one of the most devastating we’ve seen in a long time. Find that clip online and be prepared to cringe—it’s worth it.

Impact (12/13)
Christopher Daniels was fired last night when he opened his “Feast Or Fired” briefcase to reveal that he ended up with the pink slip and not a title match. While we can’t imagine a TNA world without the “Fallen Angel,” reality would indicate that at some point soon Daniels will find a way to work his way back into a six-sided ring. Until then, we bid the man good luck.

And Finally …
With WWE’s Armageddon pay-per-view taking place this Sunday, the spotlight is being firmly affixed on the Raw World title match between current champ Randy Orton and our wrestling savior Chris Jericho. Naturally, the crack team of researchers at “Turn” headquarters looked back at both competitors’ records in singles title matches at Armageddon and the result is interesting. Both men are 1-0 in singles championship matches, with each capturing the Intercontinental title. Orton took the strap from Rob Van Dam at the 2003 edition of the show, with Y2J capturing the gold from Chyna at the first Armageddon in 1999. We’re going to give the nod to Orton on Sunday. Y2J just doesn’t seem to be back to championship form just yet.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of November 30-December 6, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

There’s a phrase that’s bandied about far too much in sports; however, every so often, it fits perfectly.

That phrase: “bush league.”

Ask any 50 people and you’ll likely get 50 different interpretations, yet the common thread amongst them all would be the same. “Bush league” refers to something that’s not ready for the big-time or is of low quality. The term allegedly originated as a reference to low-level minor league baseball that was played on thrown-together fields that were lined with shrubs.

To our good friends at TNA: The “Feast Or Fired” battle royal at Turning Point was cheesy enough, but to delay the opening of the briefcases another week in a clear ploy to try to keep fans interested is, in fact, bush league.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (11/30)
Last Friday night marked the surprising and pleasant return of Teddy Long to the blue brand, as the affable general manager wasted no time making his presence known. Following the melee of a main event in which The Undertaker cost Edge his most recent shot at the Smackdown World title in a particularly fierce bout with Batista, Long announced that the three would meet with the gold on the line at Armageddon this Sunday. While it’s great to have Long back—and it is—is anyone else concerned as to the whereabouts of his paramour, Kristal? I mean, the heart issues and lack of a wedding must have been very traumatizing on her, and yet, while Teddy was on the shelf, we heard nothing from the would-be Mrs. Long. With all the difficulty in her life right now, she must be in a fragile state. Thank goodness that she at least has her job with WWE and major on-screen exposure coming her way, right? Oh that sweet, sweet job of hers. No way would that ever be taken away, thus sweeping a ridiculous angle under a huge rug never to be seen again. Being such a dominant part of Smackdown for so long guarantees that the story of these star-crossed lovers will be finally told, no? There’s no way that WWE would ever let such an emotionally distraught woman—who nearly lost the love of her life—languish in obscurity … again. Right?

Raw (12/3)
It is official: While we’re still on the Triple-H bandwagon for the time being, the innuendo to his famous familial links needs to stop now. Not next week or the week after, but now. This week, once again, Hunter Hearst Helmsley-McMahon made reference to his father-in-law on Raw in a segment meant to illustrate just how evil the 11-time World champion can be when gold is on the line. Hunter promised that he would pedigree members of his own family, including his father-in-law, to win a world title. Naturally, the fans went nuts for this reference, as anytime “The Game” chisels away at the ruins of the fourth wall, we all tend to feel as if we’re a part of some inside angle. We at “The Turn” actually have a more cynical (shocking, I know) take on the whole situation, which is: they’re screwing with us all. They know fans eat garbage like that up and, naturally, they feed us and string us along with such kibbles. There’s nothing insider or, at this point, clever, about it. There are three great truths in wrestling: 1. Hulk Hogan will always be orange, 2. Everyone’s convinced that it will never be as good as it used to be, and 3. Triple-H is married into the McMahon family. The sooner we accept all of those the quicker we can move past it.

ECW (12/4)
How come, since the borders between Tuesday and Friday nights were officially opened, fans haven’t been treated to weekly, big-name matches occurring on both ECW and Smackdown? Sorry, correction: Why aren’t the big dogs from Smackdown making the appearances on ECW that the top guy(s) of ECW do for Smackdown? Oh, occasionally you’ll get an appearance here and there, but is a mélange of mediocrity really something that is going to get fans excited about either brand? On one hand, the situation is damn-near unwatchable from any perspective unless you’re a fan of someone specific; on the other hand, it’s the most riveting thing we’ve seen since the XFL. That’s right, we invoked the only three letters Vince McMahon despises more than “F,” “B,” and “I.” Seeing the company flounder in such a way gives off the impression that everything is sort of being run—from an ECW perspective—minute to minute in some of the most dreadfully compelling television in existence today.

Impact (12/6)
Okay, so what, exactly, is Rellik supposed to be? Now, don’t get us wrong, we actually like what the creature formerly known as Johnny Stamboli does in the ring. He’s strong as hell, very quick, and utilizes his low center of gravity to his advantage. Plus, we’re all for guys re-inventing themselves and letting some of their darker side shine through. What throws us off about the whole situation is the way Rellik appears to be kind of a demonic gladiator with mask, yet he runs with Black Reign, who is more “crap, they sent me silver instead of gold paint.” Lumping freaks solely because they are freaks is not something we advocate here at “The Turn.” Keep you freaks separate unless absolutely necessary and let guys like Rellik cut their own path.

And Finally …
Forty-nine years ago today one of the most reviled rulebreakers in wrestling history was born in the wrestling hotbed of Minnesota. While “Ravishing” Rick Rude’s tenure with then-WWF was brief, his imprint on the company was lasting. Sporting personalized, air-brushed tights and a catchy self-introduction that’s still ripped-off to this day, Rude quickly became as hated as he was talented. Sadly, it’s been over eight years since Rude passed away due to heart failure.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of November 23-29, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

It’s not often that “The Turn” focuses its collective attention on something outside of the world of the industry’s televised product, but given the current state of things in the ongoing saga of the Hogan family, and the surprising amount of e-mails we’ve received asking us to address it, the time feels right to issue an official statement.

For anyone not following the news, Hogan’s had arguably one of the worst stretches of time of any celebrity in recent memory. Currently going through what promises to be an ugly divorce as well as the rapidly unfolding legal trouble surrounding his son’s auto accident earlier this year, Hogan’s 2008 doesn’t appear to be taking shape any better than the end of his 2007 is going.

Because of this, we at “The Turn” have made an executive decision to not discuss the Hogan situation after today. While we’re not going to ignore the situation, we find it’s best to leave personal issues to the people involved and the parasitic mainstream press that makes a living off of them. And, although Hogan is still considered one of the most popular wrestling figures in the world, it just doesn’t seem right to take shots at someone’s personal issues.

Now, of course, when Hogan and Vince McMahon settle their differences for the thousandth time and this nightmare becomes fodder for an ill-conceived angle on Raw, that will be a different story.

For the time being, let’s just focus our smartassitude where it belongs most—at your television set.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (11/23)
Remember a little over five years ago when Chuck Palumbo was thriving in sexual ambiguity as Billy Gunn’s tag team partner. Together, they rivaled any well-matched team, won the World tag title twice, and were actually named PWI Tag Team of the Year in 2002. Of course, their partnership would come to a strange end during their partnership unification ceremony on Smackdown in 2002. For those of you with the amazing benefit of selective memory, that Palumbo and Gunn—in furtherance of their “are they really?” relationship—planned to cement their union as partners forever, complete with rings and a ceremony. Of course, at said ceremony was the duo’s personal stylist, the equally ambiguous Rico. Okay, memory adequately refreshed? Good. With all of that in mind, somehow—somehow—doesn’t Palumbo’s current homage to Lorenzo Lamas’ Renegade just feel weirder? Yeah, we tend to agree.

Raw (11/26)
The end finally appears nigh for the all-time favorite wrestler in “Turn” history, Ric Flair. This past Monday night, Mr. McMahon finally tossed out an ultimatum that could actually signal the end of Flair’s hall of fame career. In essence, the next match Flair loses, in any manner, will be his last with WWE. Compelling, yes. Likely, who knows—this is wrestling for God’s sake. Everyone retires returns, makes movies, returns, and then retires before returning again. It’s the nature of the business. And, despite having a body that looks like a slowly melting candle, Flair remains one of the most beloved wrestlers on any of the WWE rosters and, while not drawing fans to the arena, he certainly gives them a great match to enjoy once they are there. Very likely, at some point soon, Flair will lose that fateful match and be forced to end his regular, in-ring career with WWE. Of course, he will remain with the company in some capacity and, very likely, in an on-air role. Still, we’ll enjoy the litany of knife-edge chops while they last and encourage you all to do the same.

ECW (11/27)
Shelton Benjamin’s ECW experience has started better than many of his other moves of late, although his match against Shannon Moore on Tuesday night left much to be desired considering the tremendous level of potential that was in the ring. Both Benjamin and Moore have been considered two of WWE’s hottest up-and-coming talent over the past few years yet neither have panned out in a way commensurate with their abilities. Moore followed the Jeff Hardy plan of leaving WWE, heading to TNA, and making the jump back up north, only he couldn’t catch on as a viable mid-card talent. Benjamin is a multi-time former Intercontinental and World tag team champion who seemed poised to make the leap, at some point, to viable main-event contender. A brief stint as a “mama’s boy,” Heat regular, and tag competitor has pushed Benjamin dangerously close to Carlito territory. As a part of ECW, Benjamin will once again be considered a top guy, which should do wonders for the talented South Carolinian’s exposure, whereas Moore should at least get television time. Whether either man takes advantage of this opportunity remains to be seen.

Impact (11/29)
Last night, Booker T made his official Impact in-ring debut with TNA when he squared off with Robert Roode in a short, well-contested match that was used primarily to set up the promotion’s Turning Point pay-per-view this weekend. On Sunday night, Booker will team up with Kaz to take on Christian Cage (who apparently is feuding with everyone now) and Roode. Naturally, Booker made it known that he’ll do whatever it takes to reach his ultimate goal, which would be winning the TNA World championship. While we at “The Turn” have touted the skill of Booker T time and again, something about TNA adding yet another main-eventer that it cannot possibly accommodate fully bothers us upon further review. For every big name TNA brings in, it’s not illogical to think that equates to less television time for someone who’s been with the promotion for years. On top of that, TNA’s heavyweight division is so loaded with randomness right now, that Booker’s inclusion in a mid-card, slapdash tag match sort of gives off a confusing message. Maybe TNA has too many top-tier guys for its own good. Could it be time to thin the herd a bit? While we’re still thrilled to see Booker anywhere on television, the feeling that something is amiss in Orlando is getting harder and harder to shake.

And Finally …
This Sunday, TNA will present its 2007 version of the Turning Point pay-per-view, prompting us to look back one year to last year’s edition. At Turning Point 2006, the enigmatic Abyss won the NWA World title for the first time in his career. Since then, TNA’s top title has change hands four times, between three different men. While that may seem like a lot, TNA’s version of musical titles is still not the winner. Here’s the breakdown:

	TNA Abyss Christian Cage Kurt Angle Sting Angle	Raw John Cena Vacant Randy Orton Triple-H Orton Batista	Smackdown Batista Undertaker Edge Vacant The Great Khali

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of November 16-22, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

Everyone here at “The Turn” wishes anyone out there in cyber land a very happy belated Thanksgiving. To our international readers, and there are quite a few, Thanksgiving is the day we Americans celebrate how thankful we are that the Christmas shopping season is mere hours away. Hell, it’s something along those lines. Frankly, we forget at this point.

One thing, as wrestling fans, we are thankful for is the return of all-time favorite Chris Jericho to professional wrestling. While the lead-up to his return was anticlimactic, the actual realization that Y2J would once again be gracing a WWE ring just seemed right by our standards. Will he save WWE, as promised? Who knows; more importantly, who cares. Jericho is a hell of a wrestler who’s just fun to watch, which is more than can be said about most of the WWE roster right now.

Still, and we know it’s only been one night, but who else is waiting for the inevitable and highly entertaining rulebreaker turn? Us, too.

Now, put down the drumstick, take off that ridiculous hat with the buckle, and enjoy “The Turn”—putting folks to sleep quicker than any amount of tryptafan since 2006.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (11/16)
For one, it is his first taste of WWE championship gold; for the other, it may actually be a huge step back in his career. Last Friday night the inevitable finally happened when the unlikely tandem of MVP and Matt Hardy finally imploded with The Miz and John Morrison being the beneficiaries, an equally mismatched duo. For Miz, being one-half of the Smackdown World tag team champs is a big deal; for Morrison it’s not only old hat at this point, but perhaps an indicator that he just can’t do it alone for the most part. His brief stint as ECW champion—one in which he tweaked the rules more often than not to retain his gold—was largely forgettable and little more than a precursor to the C.M. Punk administration. Now that he’s apparently back in the tag ranks, and the John Morrison as a full-time main-eventer period appears to be in a holding pattern, it should be interesting to see where ECW as a brand—and Morrison as a viable singles wrestler—goes from here.

Raw (11/19)
Ever get that feeling that you’re looking at something or someone for the last time? It’s that feeling you get the last day of a trip when you give the area surrounding your hotel one last glimpse as if to cement all the great memories into the annals of your mind so that you can fondly recall them in the future. Anyone else get that feeling Monday night with Carlito? With rumors circulating on a near daily basis that the talented yet seemingly unmotivated former Intercontinental champ may be nearing his end days with WWE, it was terribly disappointing to see Carlito in a joke of a match with Hornswoggle on Raw. Although his future with Stamford seems to be uncertain for the time being, Carlito will certainly turn up somewhere. Still, it’s hard to deny that our hopes for him in WWE far exceeded what he was able to accomplish.

ECW (11/20)
As the unofficial kick-off to the holiday season commences with the busiest shopping day of the year, we direct our attention now to one of the most time-tested strategies in all of professional wrestling—the repackaging. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen (who the hell are we kidding … just gentlemen), if there’s a wrestler who may show signs of talent, or simply fits the physical makeup you’re looking for in your promotion, yet they’re just not getting over with the fanbase, you can pull them off the airwaves for an undetermined period of time, rebuild their image, and then reintroduce them into the wild. Take, for instance, Kevin Thorn, who has gone from menacing, blood-drinking scourge of the night to spiky-haired, unitarded grappler in the span of a month. Now, we at “The Turn” are of the opinion that it wasn’t the look that hurt Thorn as much as it was his cardboard personality and choppy in-ring performances, but what do we know? Still, if our collective high school experiences are any indicator, Thorn’s next image leap will be into the pseudo emo drama club guy prior who writes his own poetry and smokes clove cigarettes.

Impact (11/22)
Were it not for our sobering up far too soon following Thanksgiving dinner, it would appear that Thursday’s episode of Impact was either a tribute to, or rip-off of, an old-school edition of WCW’s Nitro. Complete with a turkey suit and show-dominating sketch that took place in the Angle family living room, TNA’s first Thanksgiving-themed episode of Impact was actually filled with some entertaining matches in spite of the silliness. Giving some credit where it’s due, the main event of the evening, the Turkey Bowl final between Samoa Joe, Chris Sabin, and A.J. Styles, ended up being a borderline Match Of The Year candidate, with Joe coming out on top. Still, in a world where we’re supposed to ignore reality for a couple of hours, how many people were confused at the speed with which people were able to get to and from the Angle household and the Impact Zone? Either the highly successful Angle family secured prime real estate in Universal Studios (most likely near the Jaws ride) or (gasp) it was taped in advance. Must have been all the pre-holiday nog, but something just didn’t sit right about the evening. Far too Russo for our liking.

And Finally …
Ten years ago today, Scott Hall—who will be making his in-ring return to TNA next weekend at Turning Point—won a 60-man battle royal at WCW’s World War 3 to earn a shot at then WCW World champion Sting. Although he was unsuccessful in his bid to capture World championship gold, Hall’s tenure in WCW was considered the hallmark of his career and the defining period of his wrestling resume.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of November 9-15, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

It’s unanimous—the entire staff at “The Turn” (which consists mostly of opinionated folks who compare notes with me, your writer)—is glad to see Booker T back in wrestling after an abbreviated absence. Booker is truly one of the all-time greats who does not get nearly the level of respect a man with his wrestling resume should.

Now, Booker in TNA … that’s something on which we’re not entirely sold on.

Of course, we’ll take our Booker anyway we can get him, be it TNA or anywhere, but there’s just something about seeing the man in a six-sided ring next to Jim Cornette that doesn’t feel right yet.

With time, things may change and someday seeing Booker T come down to the ring to a Casio keyboard version of his trademark theme song (which apparently is owned by someone in Stamford) might seem normal. Hell, we’ve accepted it with Kurt Angle and, to a greater degree, Christian Cage. I suppose the old adage of begging and choosing would be appropriate here, but in reality, we’re just snobs when it comes to wrestling.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (11/9)
Historically, we’ve tended to be a bit harsh on Rey Mysterio Jr. in this column. It’s not that we don’t love Rey’s ability or this enthusiasm for the sport—because we absolutely do. Without any reservation, “The Turn” fully endorses Rey as one of the greatest pure wrestlers in the sport today. It’s just the way he was being used (notice the operative word there—used) by WWE that bothered us most. His improbable Smackdown World title run still irks us in so many ways, it’s painful. However, Rey’s vicious and increasingly personal feud with Finlay has once again kept us all riveted to the high-flyer and, at times, we’ve found ourselves lost in the impressive nature of what would otherwise be considered a throw-away angle. We’ve always loved Finlay and, try as we might, we can’t find anything with his current angle with Rey to make us feel any differently. Skip the bathroom break and check this one out if you haven’t thus far.

Raw (11/12)
Comedy has its place in any form of entertainment, even professional athletics, and especially wrestling. When done properly, it’s doesn’t disrespect the sport, nor does it insult the fans’ intelligence or steal their precious television viewing ability. Now, when comedy is done, as the scholars say, half-assedly, then you get what we were all treated to on Monday night. The segment on Raw showcased Hornswoggle’s training session against Jonathan Coachman dressed as The Great Khali. It was filmed earlier in the day in an empty arena to no doubt protect the very health of the participants, as either the fans’ revolution or comatose lack of response would have severely injured those involved. Truly, among many flawed segments we’ve been subjected to in recent months, this one ranks up there as one of the absolute worst. It’s an awful use of Jonathan Coachman and a damn shame that William Regal was included at all (we had such high hopes).

ECW (11/13)
So, the other night, the “Turn” offices’ super-exclusive, virtually non-existent phone lines were abuzz with activity and all regarding ECW. Of course, the concern was not over Big Daddy V’s cholesterol count or whether we would be treated to yet another Punk-Morrison match, but rather whether or not our fellow fans were even watching ECW at all. See, for those of you who missed it (and, again, the numbers indicate it was most of you), the opening match on this Tuesday’s episode consisted of The Hardys—of Raw and Smackdown fame—taking on Mr. Kennedy and MVP, from the same brands. That’s right—the referee was the most ECW part of the match. Hell, if the lead-in to the show wasn’t something that resembled Stargate shot by guys we went to high school with, we would have had no clue what channel we were watching or, for that matter, what day of the week it was.

Impact (11/15)
She doesn’t get much of it, but here’s a little love thrown the way of Awesome Kong. Frankly, there’s a good chance that, with a little TLC, she may calm down just a bit and give her eye sockets a rest. Seriously, they’re going to pop right the hell out of her head if she doesn’t just ease back a bit and enjoy the fact that were if she the longest tenured Knockout in TNA, she would very likely be the current women’s champion instead of the object of her disdain, Gail Kim. Regardless, few can argue just how physically dominating Kong truly is. It’s only a matter of time before she does capture the gold and goes on a long and dominant championship run.

And Finally …
With Survivor Series a little over two days away, we go back to the last edition of the event to be held in the lovely “Sunshine State”—the 2000 Survivor Series held in Tampa. In one of the strangest finishes not involving Montreal, the main event saw “Stone-Cold” Steve Austin battle to a no-contest with Triple-H in a no-disqualification match. How does one go to a no-contest in a match where you cannot be disqualified? Well, the answer’s simple—drop your opponent, who’s managed to work his way into a car—off of a car lift. Ta-da! Strange, but entertaining. Here’s to hoping someone gets dropped from something on Sunday.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of November 2-8, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

The Fabulous Moolah was, throughout her career, one of a kind. Many followed, and almost all copied, but no one female wrestler truly was able to capture the spirit, ability, and overall determination of Moolah.

While “The Turn” generally shies away from eulogizing wrestlers who have passed, we felt compelled to give the greatest lady wrestler—as Moolah preferred to be called—in the history of the sport her due. As champion for nearly three decades in a sport where most competitors don’t last more than 10 years, Moolah became synonymous with women’s wrestling. And, spending the majority of her career as a rulebreaker seemed to work well for Moolah as she seemed to dispatch, with ease, every upstart fan favorite she encountered.

Although her role in recent years had become more of a traveling novelty act, playing second fiddle to the amazingly uncomfortable pseudo-sexual exploits of long-time friend Mae Young, Moolah still drew a reaction each time she appeared in an arena with WWE. Parents pointed her out to their kids who stared in wide-eyed amazement at a woman—older than most of their grandmothers—who could still take a bump or two in the ring. Moolah’s appeal transcended generations of fans and influenced nearly all of today’s would-be women’s champions.

Still, the most impressive feat Moolah ever accomplished was living a long and fulfilling life. In an era where wrestlers—both male and female—seem to die well before their time, Moolah persevered and lived her life to the fullest. She never forgot her wrestling roots while being mindful to make a life for herself outside of the ring. Her ability to not fall into the traps that seem to befall celebrity athletes may be her greatest accomplishment of all.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (11/2)
We at “The Turn” never thought we’d ask this question but, what happened to The Spirit Squad? Now, wait, hear us out for a second. We’re not advocating a return of the group, but rather questioning whatever happened to the component parts that were supposed to be building up followings so that fans would care about them after the group’s inevitable demise. Take, for example, Kenny Dykstra who is the only remaining member on weekly WWE television. He was considered to be the crown jewel of the group and, by far, the most ready for a spot on one of the three brands. To say that Dykstra has been used sparingly would be an understatement and, when he does get some face time, it’s less than memorable. Still, we’re going to hold out for the former Squaders to make their mark someday; however, it’s hard not to feel angry at the fact that, as fans, we were subjected to hours of goofiness with absolutely minimal payoff thus far.

Raw (11/5)
The DX traveling road show made one “final” appearance together on Monday night, kicking things off by nearly inducting every strange figure not named Snitsky into the faction for the evening while simultaneously tearing down the already crumbling “fourth wall” of television by reviewing the programming sheet for the night’s show. For DX detractors and supporters, the opening segment of Raw certainly provided plenty of material to support their respective causes. At its worst, the segment was hacky, repetitive, and completely pointless. Like anyone really thought that the likes of Hornswoggle or The Boogeyman would be a DX member for the night—c’mon. Still, DX was once again at its finest when Shawn Michaels pulled the run sheet—the nightly itinerary for the television breakdown that’s given to all the wrestlers—from his boot so that Triple-H could read from it to illustrate to Hornswoggle that he wasn’t part of the plan. The segment, at times, came off masterfully, but we at “The Turn” are okay with this latest last run being the curtain call.

ECW (11/6)
It’s the same damn thing each week on ECW. Literally. Every week the hardcore-ish brand re-does the same show. This week, however, they took things to a whole new level by borrowing an angle from Smackdown as part of the new “What’s Ours Is Yours” policy WWE has seemingly created. Since opening the floodgates between ECW and Smackdown and allowing members of each brand to appear on the other’s programs, ECW has actually gotten more obscure and, in some cases, less watchable. For example, Kelly Kelly—the vapid pseudo-wrestler—will now be playing the role of Jamie Noble for the ECW brand as The Miz forces her into matches with women far superior to her. Naturally, Kelly is being defeated and humiliated in a manner similar to Noble’s fruitless ventures (which we loved) against Smackdown’s top guys. Unfortunately, it’s not working, nor is it very entertaining, but that’s become the hallmark of Tuesday nights as of late.

Impact (11/8)
Relax fans of TNA—Scott Hall will not be Sting’s mystery partner at Genesis. Put down the remote and feel good about shelling out your hard earned coin for the pay-per-view. Everything’s going to be okay. Last night, Hall announced to a bewildered Kevin Nash, and a relieved rest of the world, that he will not be returning to TNA (yet) to pair with Sting at Genesis, leaving the true participant’s identity up for continued debate. Really, anyone who is currently not wrestling for WWE would seem to be a possibility. However, the hot money is on none other than Booker T filling the role. TNA has historically been very good about surprise acquisitions (Kurt Angle) as well as making the non-surprises seem exciting (Sting). Still, we at “The Turn” are going to place our bet on a triumphant Jeff Jarrett return. Okay, not really, but you just got a little pit in your stomach, didn’t you? Enjoy that feeling until Sunday.

And finally …
Today is a special day in the lives of wrestling fans as it marks the 10-year anniversary of the infamous Montreal Screwjob that officially marked the end of Bret Hart’s tenure with WWE and gave fans ample opportunity to speculate as to the motivation and authenticity of the event. Since that date, Hart has been openly critical of WWE, appearing only sparingly on behalf of the organization, and even then only to promote career retrospective merchandise. Conversely, the other participants of the Screwjob—most notably Shawn Michaels and Triple-H—have gone on to long, successful careers with WWE that included multiple World title reigns, phenomenal wealth, and marriage of the boss’ daughter. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to “time to play the game,” doesn’t it?

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of October 26-November 1, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

You know how there are times where you’ll hear a word repeated over and over until it gets to the point where it doesn’t even make sense? You know, like falafel (go ahead, try it). And, of course, there are those words that really are absurd to begin with, yet with constant repetition go from goofy to just plain irritating, like glamizon.

While we at “The Turn” love—love—Beth Phoenix, we will gladly spearhead the national call for the word glamizon to be retired back to whatever 1950s B-movie skin flick from whence it came. Just look at the word in writing: glamizon. According to PWI Managing Editor Lisa Rocchi, the combination of two words to create a third word is called portmanteau (it’s true, look it up). In the case of Beth Phoenix, the word is meant to be descriptive of her stature—apparently Amazonian—and her celebrated femininity—hence, the glamorous. Is it even a compliment? Actually, it doesn’t seem like it. The backhanded “compliment” glamizon is akin to your high school crush telling you that you have a great personality and she treasures your friendship, right Heather? Right?!

Wait, where were we? Ah, that’s right—portmanteau.

So, with no real benefit to Phoenix other than obscuring her hotness through tough imagery and a painful overuse on a weekly basis, we at “The Turn” beg WWE to, please—for the children—kill this word dead, throw it in the stocks in town square, and make it an example for all other asinine words.

Oh, and since we’re calling out wrestling vernacular, you’re officially put on notice, slobberknocker. That’s right, we’ll take on anyone.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (10/26)
As if the scene at Smackdown hasn’t been strange enough lately, the bizarre circumstances surrounding the injury that kept Matt Hardy out of action at Cyber Sunday really throws the spotlight on the faltering state of Friday nights. During his non-title tag match with partner MVP against Cyber Sunday opponents Finlay and Rey Mysterio Jr., Hardy caught the edge of Mysterio’s knee brace, which opened up a 17-stitch-worthy cut right at his hairline and gave him one of the nastiest gashes since Bob Holly’s table-shredded back. The beauty part of it: Hardy impressively finished the bout despite losing a tremendous amount of blood and stumbling around the ring like a drunken prom date. The better part: There was no MVP-Hardy boxing match possibility at Cyber Sunday. Sure, we all had to suffer through a countout victory for Hardy’s replacement Kane over MVP. Thus, WWE committed robbery—in roughly $40 increments—yet again. Adding the star power of ECW should go a long way into helping maim, if not completely kill, the blue brand.

Shame they have no shot—none—of landing Chris Jericho on the blue brand.

Raw (10/29)
For those of you who haven’t gotten sick of the “she’s out of your league” storyline, or just don’t care to watch it on Tuesday nights when ECW runs the same damn thing between Mahoney and Kelly Kelly, Raw offers up for your viewing pleasure the tale of forlorn would-be lovers Mickie James and Trevor Murdoch. Ever since Murdoch cost him and partner Lance Cade their mixed tag match against James and her partners Paul London and Brian Kendrick, the former women’s champion has been mildly flirtatious with the Deliverance knockoff leading to tension between the tag champs. How will this play out? Who knows? More importantly, does anyone really care at this point? The fact that WWE is currently running the same mismatched couple angle on two of its three brands is not only infuriating, it’s also lazy. We can try to find a difference between the two, but what’s the point? Unless this ends up with either James revealing she’s really a man (no shot) or Murdoch spontaneously bursting into flames (too messy), this is something we can all do without.

Oh, and we still await Jericho on the red brand—still.

ECW (10/30)
Completing the proverbial 0-fer this week in the finest television Stamford has to offer, WWE celebrated Devil’s Night/Mischief Night by treating the fans to a “Monster Mash” battle royal on ECW. Pitting all four massive behemoths—Kane, Mark Henry, The Great Khali, and Big Daddy V—in the same ring against each other in a more formalized setting was exactly what, well, none of the fans were clamoring for after the brief confrontation of the massive quartet a few weeks back. For the sake of keeping records—and we all know how much WWE loves historical accuracy—Mark Henry outlasted the other 1,231 pounds of humanity (we counted) to emerge victorious. His prize: He’s the most agile slow man in WWE.

Well … Chris Jericho was in ECW once, right? Maybe there’s a slight chance … ah, hell. Forget it.

Impact (11/1)
Unfortunately for the nihilists among you, the week in televised wrestling wasn’t a total loss, although you had to really pay attention or else you would have missed one of the only redeeming moments of the past week. While TNA has encountered its fair share of problems over the past month—most notably the complete lack of well-developed angles and a veritable plethora of random mid-card matches—there is actually a tandem of wrestlers who, if used correctly, could restore the faith of everyone here at the “Turn” offices on Thursday nights. As the Motor City Machine Guns—a throwback to their ROH Murder City Machine Gun days—Alex Shelly and Chris Sabin have made the most of being mired in a rehashed angle with Team 3D, taking over the role once held by Kevin Nash as resident X division haters. Shelly and Sabin, when focused (and, hence, not pimping a Jackass movie or playing art house movie hero) have consistently been two of the most exciting wrestlers on the TNA roster. Likely, this angle won’t go very far and the Machine Guns will go their separate ways once again much sooner than they should. But, for the time being, keep an eye on this duo and enjoy.

In the spirit of the recently passed Halloween season, we’re reminded of the long-deceased WCW pay-per-view Halloween Havoc, naturally. Hardcore fans of wrestling might be able to recall that the main event of the first ever Havoc, which took place at the Philadelphia Civic Center in 1989, featured five all-time legends of the ring. That night, Sting and Ric Flair defeated The Great Muta and Terry Funk in a match officiated by none other than Bruno Sammartino. Amazing, right? Well, what those very same fans may not be able to recall is what the very last main event in Halloween Havoc history was. From the wrestling Mecca of Las Vegas, Nevada, Bill Goldberg defeated the team of Brian Adams and Bryan Clark (collectively known as Kronik) in a handicap elimination match in a lusty 3 minutes 35 seconds. Amazing what 11 years and a blinding amount of mismanagement can do, eh?

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of October 19-25, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

Something’s not right in Raw land.

WWE has come outright at times and admitted that injuries and unforeseen occurrences (such as the Benoit tragedy) have hurt its flagship program and forced the brand to reorganize and thus lose the momentum of the direction in which it was headed. Momentum has been hard to come by for the brand and, with devastating injuries to Bobby Lashley, John Cena, and, most recently, Candice Michelle, things don’t appear to be headed for a renaissance anytime soon.

In the past, WWE would do something outrageous or bring in someone—even if only for a short run—that would spur interest in its programming. It was shameless, beautiful pandering, and we, as fans, ate up every last bit and came back for seconds more often than not. With ratings struggling and fan interest waning, now seems like one of those times where the company should consider such a move.

Sadly, WWE seems content with maintaining the status quo and simply forging ahead with the crew it has. Even if it takes our advice and goes for the cheap pop of yesteryear, it still doesn’t bode well for the future. This was a time where WWE could have showed us all that it could maintain entertaining angles and build charismatic personalities in spite of all its personnel issues. Instead, history will show that the company plugged along until that one big bump it received due to some one-shot gimmick.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (10/19)
We at “The Turn” have never hid our disdain with WWE’s tremendously poor handling of its cruiserweight division. Consider this: There hasn’t been a cruiserweight champion for nearly a month since Hornswoggle was stripped of the gold and, honestly, has anyone noticed? Still, in spite of our issues with the company’s degradation of a once-prestigious championship, we are enjoying very much the resurgence of Jamie Noble as a member of the Smackdown brand. Sure, his primary role each week is to annoy acting General Manager Vickie Guerrero just enough to earn himself a world-class ass-kicking at the hands of one of WWE’s top big men, but something about the whole thing works for us. Noble, when given the opportunity to showcase his talent, is a very impressive wrestler and a multi-time former champion in various promotions. At the very least—if WWE is intent on phasing out the cruiserweight strap—he’s getting some television time as part of an entertaining enough angle to keep fans remembering that he’s still with the company. Call it the silver lining of a massive injustice if you must, but we’ll take whatever we can get.

Raw (10/22)
With so much negativity swirling around the Raw brand right now, there was one huge positive to come out of this past Monday night, and that was the official WWE television debut of D.H. Smith. Known as Harry Smith throughout his time with Stampede Wrestling and in WWE’s developmental system, the 6'5" son of Davey Boy Smith debuted with an impressive victory over perennial disappointment Carlito. While Smith’s dedication of the match to his father was touching enough, finishing off his opponent with Davey Boy’s patented running powerslam absolutely stole the show. It’s common to hear a phenomenal amount of hype for much of WWE’s developmental talent, but Smith could be the real deal for once.

ECW (10/23)
When Kane is the most innovative and quick of all the competitors in the ring, something’s wrong … until you look at the competition. Kane gained a disqualification victory over Big Daddy V on ECW earlier this week after fellow monstrosities Mark Henry and The Great Khali took it upon themselves to intervene in the match. What followed was a series of individual battles that actually made a three-toed sloth rolling around in molasses seem like a riveting watch. Kane, who successfully defended himself against the advances of all three attackers, was literally two to three seconds ahead of each competitor, which translated to painfully bad television. We get it—they’re all really big and strong. But if there is any credence to the argument that WWE has imposed a premium on big men with little ability, this was absolutely it.

Impact (10/25)
Oh, good lord … here it goes again. Everyone stay calm. We at “The Turn” are certified wrestling promotion suicide specialists and are well equipped to deal with the current series of events that TNA has conducted. We recognize how confusing last night’s sloppy finish of the Kurt Angle-Sting TNA title match was. We are also all in agreement over the confusing nature with which Jim Cornette proposed to resolve it in a tag team match involving Kevin Nash and a mystery opponent at Genesis. And, yes, we too have heard the David Arquette rumors. But, hopefully this is merely just a stumbling point for TNA as it struggles to find its legs in the world of two-hour programming and not the proverbial “beginning of the end,” as many other websites have forecasted. Sure, it certainly feels that way, and yes TNA does in fact employ the Silver Surfer of professional wrestling in Vince Russo, but who’s to say this isn’t the start of something great, right? Right?

Finally, with WWE’s interactive pay-per-view Cyber Sunday taking place this weekend, it’s interesting to point out that the first ever match in the history of this three-year old card (when it was originally called Taboo Tuesday) saw Shelton Benjamin capture the Intercontinental title from none other than Chris Jericho.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of October 12-18, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

Reports have surfaced through various outlets that, during WWE’s recent tour of the U.K., a great many—if not all—signs were confiscated from the fans entering the arena in yet another sign of fun-killing by the fat cats up at Stamford.

Okay, so “fun-killing” may be a bit harsh. Please pardon our hearkening back to third-grade accusatory name-calling. It’s just that fan-made signs at a wrestling event—when they’re well done—are as much a part of the fabric of America as apple pie, rock ’n’ roll, and childhood obesity.

Actually, we at “The Turn” don’t have much of a problem with signs being confiscated. At the next WWE event you attend, try to get there a little earlier than usual, when arena security is more concerned with securing the paying customers than taking away their laminated odes to their favorite wrestlers. At least 80 percent of all signs that show up at the beginning of a WWE event are confiscation-worthy. They’re either bulky, pointless, or bulky and pointless.

While there’s really no sure-fire way of creating the perfect, “no way in hell they’ll take this one” sign for a WWE event, we do have a few suggestion for those of you who so desperately feel the need to ask Melina to marry you via cardboard.

First, be “inside,” but not too inside with your references. It’s fine to refer to a wrestler of the past, but if you’re too cryptic, the security will think your sign is an homage to a friend of yours or local radio show offering prizes for getting their names on the show.

Next, and we can’t stress this enough, it never hurts to be as cheesy as possible when constructing a sign. Try this: Think of something that would make you chuckle for a second and then want to slap the person that wrote it. Got it? Now write that on your sign and avoid the use of glitter, Internet rumors, or magazine cutouts. You’re a sign-maker for God’s sake. You’re better than that.

Finally, and most importantly, leave the damn signs at home if you’re going to a non-televised event. The wrestlers can’t read it, there’s no television cameras to capture it, and it’s highly likely that the construction worker sitting two spots behind you craning his neck to see the match will insult you—and likely your mother’s chastity—for your efforts.

Stick by these rules and you should be well on your way to wrestling sign immortality. Of course, rules are subject to change, and we at “The Turn” make no guarantees.

The week in televised wrestling:

Smackdown (10/12)
We at “The Turn” are desperately trying to figure out why, oh why, Smackdown officials would pit the brand’s tag team champs—one of which also being the U.S. titleholder—up against Kane and The Undertaker in a non-title match. Sure, it’s good for ratings, and, yes, we get that Vickie Guerrero has a job to do, but having two of the top three champions of your brand get absolutely squashed—without the gold even being on the line—just doesn’t look great. Even though both ’Taker and Kane are legends of the sport, it still hurts the brand more than it bumps the ratings numbers. Never have we advocated a team getting itself intentionally disqualified, but this would have been an acceptable case of MVP being MVP in our eyes.

Raw (10/15)
In front a decidedly anti-Randy Orton crowd, the newly crowned Raw World champion went one-for-three over the course of this past Monday, and he’s probably just fine with that. Orton was forced by apparently the most popular man in England, Raw General Manager William Regal, to wrestle all three of his potential Cyber Sunday opponents in the same night. Fortunately for the champ, his opponents were more interested in screwing each other over than winning the match, as both Jeff Hardy and Mr. Kennedy interfered in each other’s respective matches, with only Shawn Michaels getting the best of Orton, and even then by disqualification. What may not seem like a particularly impressive night actually could be seen as an indicator of how sinister and clever Orton is as champion. He’s surveyed the landscape and, for a guy whose previous title reign lasted all of a hot minute, he’s playing the role like a hall of famer.

ECW (10/16)
Choosing between Big Daddy V, The Miz, and John Morrison to face C.M. Punk for the ECW title at Cyber Sunday could possibly be one of the least savory election processes fans have gone through since Eugene and Jimmy Snuka actually fought Rob Conway and Tyson Tomko two years ago at the same event (look it up, it’s true). While we at “The Turn” try not to sway the vote one way or the other, here we feel we need to jump in and make a difference in the interest of fan entertainment. This may come as a surprise, but how nice would it be to see The Miz get beaten silly? Big Daddy V is slow and boring, and we’ve all seen a John Morrison-Punk feud already. Let The Miz have his due, get put to sleep, and give the fans a brief, yet enjoyable, glimpse at whatever remains of Extreme Expose.

Impact (10/18)
Which is a more likely sign that the end of days are soon upon us: TNA crowning and trying to maintain a women’s championship, or the triumphant, two-minute return of Disco Inferno? Yes, we recognize that right here—in the middle of this very column—we discussed the possible virtues and downsides of a TNA women’s division and came to the conclusion that it’s probably not a great thing right now, but that was before the man formerly known as Glen Gilberti dusted off his bell bottoms and resurrected one of the worst personas in the history of not only wrestling, but also hand-to-hand combat. Seriously, studies show that there were cavemen with better gimmicks than Disco Inferno. So, for now, we’ll go with Disco Inferno’s brief return as this week’s ominous sign of things to come. Odd, but wasn’t TNA’s problem originally that it had so much great talent to showcase that one hour simply wasn’t enough?

In closing, wrestling fans everywhere today remember the man who claimed to “snack on danger and dine on death,” Road Warrior Hawk (Michael Hegstrand), who died of a heart attack at age 46 on this day, October 19, in 2003.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of October 5-11, 2007

By Frank Ingiosi

2.8?

The night after a pay-per-view in which, and we loosely quote, “history would be made.” Well, unfortunately, it was … the night after. Fans—for whatever reason—were so disenchanted that the night after No Mercy they simply didn’t tune in to Raw. How can this be explained? Let’s give it a shot.

For our fellow disgruntled fans, here’s a brief assessment of the surprisingly low rating for Raw this past Monday night. While things did not seem worthy of such a surprising drop, we can somewhat understand our fellow fans’ malaise. Upon hearing the news that not only had Triple-H won and lost the Raw World title the night before, many of the embittered masses voiced their displeasure in the form of tuning out. Still, here’s our take:

A. WWE needs a big-name, top-tier fan favorite right now that the fans will support now that John Cena is out for up to a year.

B. WWE historically goes with the "safe" and easy option. For example, when Bret Hart was battling Yokozuna for the gold—and few folks south of Calgary cared—Hulk Hogan was thrust into the title picture and unexpectedly won the strap at WrestleMania IX. Today, the new "go-to" guy is Triple-H.

C. Triple-H, while marketable as hell and popular, gets hammered because he may be a little too connected to those in charge of WWE.

D. Some fans tend to reject an over-emphasis on the “Cerebral Assassin” while still loving to pound their collective chests each time